Tales from Guatemala

I knew this trip would be ridiculous when we started it off at hooters. Our first night consisted of ladies in scandelous clothing serving us wings as Katy´s boss belted sexual hearing. Needless to say, there are too many stories to tell,and this lady will surely tell some of our tales, but for right now, I will attempt to describe one particular tale...

So, Katy´s friend Raquel wanted to have us and a few friends over on Thursday night for "movies and pizza." She lives with her husband Danilo, his friend Ronal(d), and her cousin Evita from Belize. Starting the night off on Thursday were all of these folks, Katy, her friend Nikki, her awesome friend Abner, and myself. With so many people in the apartment,spending the night there would be tricky. But, Raquel told us not to worry. Her friend Fabian lives in the apartment above hers and had plenty of extra rooms for people to stay in.

Fabian, The 30 plus year old neigbhor, joined us early in the night, and was sending the creepo vibe hard within the first 20 minutes of his arrival. Instead of movies, Raquel stopped and bought drinks, and the night turned into supersticious storytelling of ghosts and spirits. Fabian managed to interrupt the conversation to sing rap songs, make starwars references, and appear as creepy as possible throughout the night. With every sip he took, the comments became more creepy.

At some point, of course, Raquel told Fabian and Ronal(d) that I was Egyptian. "EGYPTIAN?!" As Fabian asked me about mummies and pyramids, Ronal(d) ran to his room to grab his phone so that he could play me an Indian song and ask me to translate it. My persistent "I´m pretty sure that´s not Arabic" statements were lost in the excitement, and I resigned to losing that battle and flopped onto the couch to attempt to dose off.

This is when Ronald felt it necessary to pet my forehead...multiple times. The first time I swatted it away, but his persistence led to my various "no me toques" accompanied by hand swats. As this was going on, Fabian wanted some attention, so he started yelling "sara" and crossing his hands over his chest like a mummy. "Sleep like this." Awesome.

So, with the creepy vibes near an all time high, we decided it was time for bed. At the same time, katy and I started desperately thinking of how to get out of sleeping in Fabian´s apartment. We casually asked Abner in front of everyone if he was sleeping upstairs with us and he was pretty noncommital. Raquel started walked up the stairs with Fabian, showing us the way to the apartment, and as she turned up the corner katy and I started desperately whispering to Abner that he better not freaking leave us up there with Fabian alone, and we bully him into staying with us.

As we entered Fabian´s apartment, we realized it is a completely pimped out, rico suave bachelor pad. There´s a spinning DNA strand in the corner, a bright orange fold out couch, orange walls, crazy looking bacardi bottles, a glass table with pink chairs...the works. "Please sit please sit" He kept saying, "Please sit". We kept telling him thanks but no, we want to sleep, as Raquel laughed and muttered "ha, these girls are gonna get raped." "Please sit, I´ve never had an Egyptian and an American sit at my table. Please sit." Katy then decided to shut him up by sitting for 2 seconds on a pink chair, and instantly he turns on the music. She jumped up and we told him to show us the room. Abner, Katy and I entered into a room that looked pre-arranged for our visit. Fabian rambled about the beds, the blankets, pillows, and asked us if we wanted drinks. We quickly replied no, and kept saying goodnight to get him to leave. When he finally left, we shut the door, locked it, and burst into fits of giggles. As I dropped my pants to change, I said, "it´d be pretty hilarious if he came back".

Knock knock knock.

He tried opening the door but we´d locked it. I quickly put my pants back on and we opened it, only to have him speak to us for 20 minutes more about blankets, pillows, drinks, etc. He grabbed the fan from his room and plugged it into the outlet in our room, explaining to us in detail what each button was for. At this point I´m facing the back wall and just laughing my ass off, and Abner and katy are uncontrollably laughing as well. Finally, he told us he was heading back down to Raquel´s, and we quickly closed the door, turned off the lights, and peered out our window to see if he was leaving the apartment. We couldn´t see him, couldn´t see him, he wasn´t leaving...

Knock knock knock.

We all jump, and don´t open the door, but instead simply asked, "what´s up Fabian"...he responded..."I just wanted to say how happy I am to have an Egyptian princess sleeping in my house."

And with that, Katy and I huddled on our twin bed, and woke up two hours later to get the hell out of that apartment and hop in the back of Raquel´s pick up truck to get to the Academy by 7 am.