I can see the finish line...and beyond?

It's mid-April. The whirl-wind of being a Teach For America corps member is close to wrapping itself up into a neat little memory. The agony of grad school at Pace will only last for 3 more class sessions (Thank God). And my life as a second-year teacher at PS 161 will be behind me in less than three months.

So, what's next? Will I stay at PS 161? Will I move to another school in NY? Will I move to the Dominican? Oh, so many questions left to answer.

Something I know about myself (that I was reminded about today...thanks Trent:) ), is that I like to know what's next. When I have an opportunity available to me, I like to jump on it with no reservations. I also like to feel like I'm in control of what's next. Meaning, I pick what I want, then I zero in my efforts on getting it. I dislike applying for lots of things at once. I would rather just focus on getting the one thing I want. Now, this might not be the most efficient or intelligent way to make a decision, but hey, it's worked for me so far.

BUT, even though I find it very, very, very hard, I will TRY to listen to Trent and attempt to let myself wholly consider multiple options for at least one or two weeks. Sigh. For now, I suppose what lies beyond the finish line will remain a question mark.

Here's to May

In March, I thought: 
This month is non-stop. I have no time to breathe, work out, or sleep.  Just need to make it to April. April will be easier..

It's April. It's. not. easier. Now, I'm thinking:
I thought April would be easier? Why does it feel harder? Just need to make it past the tests. Just need to make it to May. May is the month it will get easier.

Dreamschools

 Katy and I are co-blogging. Here's a summary of our thought process (Written by: Katy Hayes) 

yesterday.
Sara: We should start a school one day. One that works.
Katy: Yes, we should. Let’s do that.

today.
Sara teaches brilliant yet sassy 5th graders in West Harlem. Katy teaches beautiful bilingual 2nd graders in the Rio Grande Valley.

tomorrow.
Our goal is to start a school that provides a meaningful education for children from low income backgrounds.
This blog is to help us organize our ongoing conversation about what our school will look like.

photo blog

it's nothing super sweet yet but the hope is, it eventually might be:

So THAT's what teaching math and liking it feels like

Let's be honest: I'm a pretty good reading teacher. Here's the secret: I like reading. My kids can sense how excited I get about books, and it makes them get excited about them too. Some of them are stubborn at first. They refuse to admit that reading is cool, or fun, or exciting. They simply will not have it! But, sooner or later, they find that book they love and they're hooked for life. Today, I get to sit in awe and peer up from a reading conference at a silent classroom of 28 kids that are mesmerized by their books.

Well, I've never had a math moment like that. Most of the time, I feel really overwhelmed with how much I have to differentiate for math. I'm supposed to have 3 simultaneous groups playing three differentiated math games all happening at once as I teach one of the three groups?! And that's supposed to happen twice a day?! What! There is one of me, and 28 of them. How is this possible? That feeling, the overwhelmed, I don't want to do this, I'm nervous to do this, kind of feeling...kids pick up on it. So no, I have not been able to teach kids how to be mesmerized by their math games.

Well, today I may have had a breakthrough moment. Today was family game night, and I was asked by our brilliant math coach to volunteer and help out at the fifth grade table. When I showed up at 5:30, there was only one fifth grader at the fifth grade table, but oh. my. god. That child was a child that I DEFINITELY did not expect to show up. Let's just say that he is far from passing math, and while he is very brilliant and definitely knows how to work a system or two, he needs some serious one on one math support that I haven't been able to provide often. Today, I got to play math games for 2 whole hours with this student, his mom, and our tech coach, and it was FUN! My student didn't want to leave, and got his mom to stay an extra hour. He took a math packet home, took math posters home, and even kept the scratch paper from our games as "memories."

This is the first time I've felt so excited about teaching math. It was relaxing and exciting and happy, and the student felt that excitement. Now, part of this is very clearly that there were 3 adults on deck to help one student, and when do you EVER see a ratio like that? I don't know if it's possible to transfer that same support and excitement to a class of 28 with 1 teacher and 28 kids, but maybe, just maybe, with a little support (2 teachers? 1 teacher 1 coach? 1 assistant teacher and one teacher?) I could figure out a way to love teaching math so my kids can love learning it...

The First Buds of Spring

Some Numbers:

TWO: The number of weeks left until my second trip to the Dominican Republic.
THIRTY-FIVE: The number of school days left before the State Tests (Ima throw up). 
SIXTY-EIGHT: The number of school days left until I finish my second year teaching.

HoCOW!

A genuine Milestone

Birthdays are generally artificial milestones. Real, life-changing milestones don't generally fall on birthdays. This year, I'm lucky to have both happen in one week. Everything seems to be coming together in a way I could only pray for, but could never really expect to unfold in reality. Some highlights include:

1. Conversations with my family that are more open than any conversations we've had in as long as I can remember.

2. One of my closest cousins marrying a wonderful, beautiful, intelligent woman who is now, happily, part of my family.

3. The closest people in my life coming together to give me an SLR camera complete with a case and telephoto lens so I can pursue a passion for photography.

4. A ticket purchased to the Dominican Republic for March 28-April 2 with my brother and my good friends, with an exciting school visit scheduled.

5. Shopping with my brother for our respective birthday gifts.

This week is one I will always remember. It's a week where many fragmented parts of my life have finally converged in an unexpectedly pleasant way. It is a week that's lifted a heavy burden off of my shoulders and made me excited about the possibilities of the following year. I couldn't have asked for a better way to celebrate my birthday.

Teacher Report Cards

Excuse me while I step onto my soapbox.

On Monday, as an upper grade team, we spoke about the new "teacher data initiative." This initiative uses students' standardized testing scores in English Language Arts and Math to determine teacher effectiveness.

A few points of clarification:

1) Last year, it was clear that these scores were to have NO impact on teachers. According to an agreement between the UFT and Chancellor Joel Klein in October 2008. This means they were not intended to be used for hiring, firing, or tenure decisions

2) This February, Bloomberg made the top-down decision (I assume based on Obama's "Race to the Top" initiative) to use these reports as a component to making tenure decisions, effectively reversing the agreement single-handedly.

How is this report determined?

-According to the 2008 Teacher Data Initiative Report:

TVA mathematically isolates individual teacher contributions to student performance gains on the State tests. Teacher reports predict each student’s growth in student achievement based on characteristics of students, classrooms and schools that are outside of the teacher’s control. The Predicted Gains are compared to the Actual Gains for each student in a teacher’s class. Value-Added: the difference between Actual and Predicted Gains.

Essentially, an algorithm predicts what my students should get in my classroom if they had a "generic" teacher. This prediction is based on two years of testing, 3rd grade and 4th grade, by the time the students get to 5th grade. When they actually take the test, their actual data is compared to what they were predicted to get with this "generic" teacher. If they did better, I get "value-added" points! If they did worse, I get "minus" points.

This data is then compiled together and I am compared to my colleagues within the New York City, and am assigned a percentile in ELA and a percentile in math to tell me how I compare to the rest of the teachers in NYC.

What's wrong with this?

1) Tests are not reliable: Tests are magically easy during campaign years. The grading system is different based on how much money is in the budget for summer schools (since students that fail are required to take summer school).

2) Predictions are arbitrary:  A "generic" teacher doesn't exist. Deeming this number the appropriate number based on essentially 2 tests in each subject doesn't seem statistically sound.

3) Only 4-8 teachers are held accountable: Since testing starts in grade 3, the algorithm can only produce predictions for 4th grade and up. This means that teachers who are already in high-stress, high-stakes testing environments are the ones who then have this extra added pressure of producing high results. This teachers already feel that pressure from administrators since funding is so directly tied to test results. On the other hand, teachers who might need more accountability, such as intervention teachers (AIS, ELLs, SETTS), coaches, do not have teacher data reports since they are not tied to a specific class. Additionally, lower grade teachers also do not have a number tied to their teaching practices.

4) All upper grade teachers are measured the same way: Teach a special education class? Who cares. Teach English language learners? So What. Teach in a low-income school? So. This is your 1st year teaching? And. The list goes on. If I am teaching in a failing school, I am expected to make the same progress with my kids that a teacher teaching in a school with high-income kids would be expected to make on those tests. If I am teaching a general education population, my colleagues teaching in Special Education classrooms will be rated in the same way I am. Which brings me to my next point...


5) Drives teachers away from teaching in challenging environments: It's easier to be deemed successful in a high-income classroom. It's easier to be deemed successful if you teach general ed students. Why are we creating incentives for teachers to leave low-income, high-need areas?

6) Success is ONLY based on ELA and MATH on your grade level: If a student comes to my classroom not knowing how to add, subtract, multiply, and divide, and I teach them to do all of that, they are still only tested on 5th grade standards, which go well beyond that work. This means their academic growth in math is not accurately measured through the 5th grade test. Additionally, we are meant to teach 5 subjects a day in our classrooms: Reading, Writing, Math, Social Studies, and Science. 

7) Creates the Wrong Incentives:
Teachers are more likely to test prep their kids all year in ELA and math instead of providing genuine instruction. Teachers are also much more likely to CHEAT on tests since their asses are on the line if their students perform poorly. Does that sound like a good incentive structure?


8) Creates a distrustful dynamic: Because of the above, these tests create a negative dynamic within schools. Firstly, teachers will look to the previous year's teacher and question how the kids received the results they did. Was it fair? Did the teacher test prep all day? And, the thought no one wants to admit is, could the teacher have cheated on proctoring the test? Also, teachers now have a percentile attached to their teaching. So, where before you worked colleague to colleague as equals, now, theirs a sense of competition factored into a team dynamic, which is not constructive in a collaborative teaching environment.


9) Ultimately, it hurts the kids: At the end of the day, the kids are worse off. They already have the pressure of testing starting at the ludicrous age of 8. Now, not only do they have that pressure, but they also feel a much greater pressure from their teachers because their teachers want them to perform at a higher level than their prediction. The teacher's job is on the line, so the kids better step up. The kids are more likely to receive less genuine instruction and more test-prep instruction, which in the end, hurts the child.

My question is: has anyone who was responsible for this brilliant idea been inside a school for more than a day? Has anyone actually taught in one?

I will now step off the soapbox. Thank you for humoring me.

Molten Chocolate Cupcakes

 

I'd been craving a molten chocolate cake for weeks. Months even. So I finally decided to attempt to make some molten chocolate cupcakes. Good God, these things are good.

Here is the recipe from allrecipes.com

Ingredients

    * 1 cup unsalted butter or unsalted margarine*

    * 8 ounces semisweet chocolate chips, or bars, cut into bite-size chunks

    * 5 large eggs

    * 1/2 cup sugar

    * Pinch of salt

    * 4 teaspoons flour (or matzo meal, ground in a blender to a fine powder)

    * 8 extra-large paper muffin cups (or use regular paper muffin cups, which will make 12 cakes)

    * Garnish:

    * 1 (6 ounce) container raspberries, barely moistened and rolled in about

    * 1/2 cup sugar right before serving

Directions

   1. Melt butter and chocolate in a medium heat-proof bowl over a saucepan of simmering water; remove from heat. Beat eggs, sugar and salt with a hand mixer in a medium bowl until sugar dissolves. Beat egg mixture into chocolate until smooth. Beat in flour or matzo meal until just combined. (Batter can be made a day ahead; return to room temperature an hour or so before baking.)

   2. Before serving dinner, adjust oven rack to middle position; heat oven to 450 degrees. Line a standard-size muffin tin (1/2 cup capacity) with 8 extra-large muffin papers (papers should extend above cups to facilitate removal). Spray muffin papers with vegetable cooking spray. Divide batter among muffin cups.

   3. Bake until batter puffs but center is not set, 8 to 10 minutes. Carefully lift cakes from tin and set on a work surface. Pull papers away from cakes and transfer cakes to dessert plates.

   4. Top each with sugared raspberries and serve immediately.

Miss you, Buddy

This is a poem about sunrise.

This is a poem

about watching

red and pink respiration 

finesse the base 

of the horizon, 

with eyes closed 

knowing

that this is all there

really is. 

This is a poem 

about holding someone's 

hand or arm or 

your own hand or 

nothing 

and the rush of ... 

morning pours 

over you. 

 

This is just a poem 

about sunrise. 

This is not a poem 

about anything else. 

This is not a poem 

about a first date, 

the fact that you 

hate someone you 

used to love, 

getting snubbed by 

your crush, 

rushing to see someone 

who you haven't seen for 

ten hours 

and now it's almost eleven, 

heaven-sent individuals or - hell-bent residual mistakes. 

 

This poem is about 

the feeling you get 

getting up at home 

or elsewhere 

carefree and 

free to appreciate 

the elation based in 

the sun and 

encased in it's run 

along the tips of whatever 

it's framing. 

It's the same window 

with the same view but 

the difference is you. 

You've seen every sunrise 

...but your eyes 

are never prepared for 

what they share 

with the morning. 

It's about the 

first warming rays 

of the day 

erasing the night's decay and 

playing games with your levels 

of vitamin E. 

 

This poem is not about 

oppression, 

about how the possession of wealth 

has stealthily been divided 

among societyso that while we prioritize money 

it's funny that so many 

don't have enough, 

or about how tough it is 

to live the American dream 

if you didn't start out 

sleeping with riches.  

 

This poem is about 5:00 AM, 

when you're awake and 

don't have to be,

or you do have to 

but you happened to notice that 

below the blackness 

is opening up 

an orange hue and you 

forget how tired you are 

and that the stars are fading 

just that the trade from - night to day 

is amazing and 

the blazing ...entrance 

makes you remember that 

it might not always be 

just you and the sunrise 

but 

it is always 

you and the sunrise. 

 

This poem is not about 

some kid 

getting shot. 

This is not a day in the life 

or death 

of those of us left 

or the rest of the world 

swirled in eddies of 

bloodshed and lead "he's - down, he's down" 

About brown versus 

black versus 

white or 

red white and blue versus 

the rainbow 

throwing shells 

... and letting bombs drop. 

 

This is not a poem about

Iraq 

or Vietnam 

or any World War 

or before that the Civil War

or the Revolution 

or the pollution of the Americas 

or the feudal system 

or Troy

or one caveman 

killing another

with a rock. 

 

This is not a poem about anything 

except sunrise. 

It's about standing on 

the handrail 

of a second-story balcony 

thousands of miles 

from home 

with the smoke from your 

Black & Mild 

getting in your eyes 

as you strain to see the sun come up 

over the L.A. skyline. 

It's about sitting 

on the shore 

...of a secluded mountain lake 

alone 

at home with the water 

lapping 

the fog wrapping 

around your ankles 

and being thankful for 

everything in existence, 

which to you right now

is this sunrise. 

Sunlight goes much deeper 

than the eyes, 

it finds your center, 

and everyone must be meant to 

arise a little bit earlier. 

Our worlds revolve around 

our daily lives, 

but each day evolves from 

inside a sunrise. 

Wake up. 

-McKinley Lukes

 

 

 

Back from the Dominican with Sunkissed Cheeks and Clarity.

 

 

Tattooed Pisces

The past two weeks have led me to this:

 Let the beauty of what you love be what you do.
There are a thousand ways to kneel and kiss the Earth
-Rumi

2009 Reflections

I wanted to take a few minutes to just stop and reflect on last year and where I am now...

2009 was a great year for me. I entered the start of last year putting the mess that was 2008 behind me, and was determined to make 09 better. I think that outlook really drove the rest of the year for me. In 2009 I:

Got into the teaching groove:


I made it through my first year as a teacher, which was a remarkable feat. I entered year two of teaching feeling prepared and in control, a drastic shift from the year before.

Stayed healthy:

After wallowing in self-pity for the end of 08, I made a drastic shift in 09 and focused on taking care of myself. This meant that in the springtime, I worked out at least 3 days a week for the most part. It also meant that I focused my summer decisions on myself and my health. Although I still got some crazy ear thing (cough cough, shingles) in March, I took care of myself in 2009.

Let it Be:

In January 09, I let go of trying to make everything happen the way I wanted it to when I wanted it to. I basically had to say: this is the situation,  let it be. And it worked. I was a much happier person for it. I also learned to be by myself, which is hard for me since I usually make such an effort to surround myself with the people I love. Doing this was the best decision ever, because eventually, that stuff organically reappears in your life if you don't force it.

Took a trip:

I rewarded myself thoroughly for the craziness of making it through my first year teaching with a well-deserved trip to COSTA RICA. My surfing and yoga month was an experience I will never forget. It was just what I needed.

Bonded:

The last important highlight for 2009 was the fact that I bonded with so many remarkable people, both from work and outside of work. Back to "letting it be," in doing that, I found myself surrounded with the people that I admire and respect, and with people that make me feel happy.


Now, in thinking about 2010, here are some areas of focus for me:

Staying healthy:

I need to re-focus on this now that the indulgences of the holidays are behind us. My goal is to work out at least 4 days a week and to run a 10 K before summertime.


Figure out my life:

Ha. If only I could do this in a year... anyway, I have such a love/hate relationship with teaching, and my mind is all over the place. I need to figure out where I can best contribute to the world at large and be happy doing it.

Take photos:

I am in the process of buying my first SLR, and I can't wait to take it out and about. I want to begin taking this a bit more seriously and really devoting some of my time to practicing and becoming better.


Travel:

While I already have one ticket under my belt for February (Dominican, YEAH!), I'd like to take about a month-long trip this summer. Some thoughts are either a Latin American Adventure (surprise surprise) OR a Morocco/Egypt escapade.

Don't Judge:

I am great at finding a group of people I love and respect and admire...I'm less good at accepting those that don't fall into that category. If you don't work hard, I judge. If you have different political views, I judge. If you sound stupid on a train, I judge. Am I a horrible person? Maybe. Am I being honest? Absolutely. I need to be better at not judging. Basically, I want to work on re-wiring my brain so that I'm more accepting of people I may not necessarily agree with.

Six weeks and counting...

The first day back at work after an idyllic winter break required a drastic purchase to maintain some semblance of sanity for the next six weeks:

Depart:

Philadelphia, PA Santo Domingo, Dominican Republic

Depart:	Sunday, February 14, 2010	05:55 PM	PHL
Arrive:	Sunday, February 14, 2010	10:36 PM	SDQ

Return: Santo Domingo, Dominican Republic Philadelphia, PA

Depart:	Sunday, February 21, 2010	11:30 AM	SDQ
Arrive:	Sunday, February 21, 2010	02:08 PM	PHL

MJ

There's a new generation of MJ fanatics, and one of them is in my classroom. Today, I saw her bust some unreal MJ dance moves in front of 300 plus people during a field trip to a hip hop performance.

Progressive education

 We've taught you that the earth is round
That red and white make pink
And something else that matters more
We've taught you how to think
-Diffendoofer Day


 My thoughts are a-brewing about next steps. Get excited, world. 

Did I mention?

That my kids this year are brilliant? Oh, and this class of fifth graders also happens to be the Say Yes class, which means, among other things, they have college paid for to any university they choose to attend when they graduate from high school.

Rules we live by:

Work Hard. Love Learning. Respect our Community.


To set the tone for the class:

Day one:
Read Up the Learning Tree, a story about a slave boy who wasn't allowed to read and climbed a tree every day to learn to spy on a teacher's lessons and carved letters into the tree.

Day two:
Introduced these images of a bus school program in the slums of India.

Homework:
Draw connections between Henry in Up the Learning Tree and the students in India.


Start of Day Three:

Beautifully brilliant discussion about Henry and the students in India. Students started the discussion by talking about how grateful both Henry and the students in India were to just have the opportunity to learn and how they took advantage of any resources they had, even if they didn't have much to work with. They talked about how much they wanted to learn. They also talked about how the school in India had varying ages and that it must be hard to teach all those different ages on their correct levels. Then, we started talking about what this makes us think about the opportunities we have. The students talked about how lucky they were to have what they have and especially with Say Yes. Then, one girl said: We could start a program like Say Yes for the students in India! This sparked what one of my students called "an explosion of our minds!" Where literally every single student had their hands raised with ideas about what we could do to make the education experience for students in India and students around the world better. Their ideas included:

-Creating a Say Yes Program in India
-Building them a school
-Sending them our extra books and resources
-Building a classroom inside an RV for the students
-Creating a charity
-Going to India as a class and teaching the students what we know
-Bringing the students to our class for a year
-Creating a program for retired teachers to go teach in India
-Creating a program for teachers in the summer to go teach in India.

My mind was literally blown. They were such brilliant thinkers and social entrepreneurs I couldn't get over it! The beautiful thing is they were having a discussion in which they built off of each other's ideas and used accountable talk prompts like, "I agree with ____," or, "to add onto what ____" said....they were communicating better than 95% of adults communicate with one another. I kept telling them how floored I was with their ideas! I asked them how many of them were just in love with the conversation and all of their hands shot up, some shot both hands up. Some of them were having a hard time with the idea of "loving learning" on day 1. I told them that THIS is what loving learning feels like, and it was like a light bulb clicked in their heads. I asked if they were just in love with learning at that moment and again all hands shot up.

I could not ask for a better way to end week 1. What a beautiful thing to witness.

Making the classroom a happy place

Here is my classroom, eagerly awaiting 25 new faces to enter its doors tomorrow: